Letting Go
by Moonpumpkin
Summary: "Proper brothers? Sirius, we would already be proper brothers if it weren't for you!" Both Regulus and Sirius know that this is most likely the last time they will meet as brothers. Soon they will meet each other on the battle field as enemies.


Written for Round 8 of the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition and using these prompts from the Marauder Era Challenge Prompts, ahoy!:

"Please be careful"

"This is the last time I'm going to say it…"

"I love you."

Greenhouse Three

"You did this to me."

"We can't keep doing this."

**Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Potterverse and all its characters**

He waited for Sirius at the normal spot, behind Greenhouse Three. It was large enough and close enough to the Forbidden Forest that no one would be able to see them talking. It was of the utmost importance to both of them not to be seen together, both for their reputations, and to avoid the prying eyes of their cousins. Both knew it would not end well if their parents found out about their meetings. Regulus sometimes came here even when he wasn't meeting with his brother. There was a quiet tranquility to it that was difficult to find anywhere else on the school grounds and it helped him think.

He arrived well before the time he'd told Sirius to meet him for just that reason. He needed to think. How was he supposed to break the news to his brother? How would Sirius react? Was there any point in trying to salvage their relationship? What relationship were they even trying to salvage? Did it even exist? Or was it just the idea of a real brotherly bond? A half an hour later and Regulus still had no answers.

Regulus could hear a heavy tread nearing him, and panicked. Sirius always had walked loudly, despite their parents' best efforts to break him of the habit; Regulus was convinced he only did so to be loud and to draw attention to himself. Regulus fought the sudden urge to flee. Why had he asked Sirius here in the first place? This was a terrible mistake. A terrible, horrible, stupid mistake.

But then Sirius rounded the corner, and it was too late to run. "Morning, Reggie," he greeted his little brother, smiling as always. His nose and cheeks were tinted pink from the chill wind and his grey eyes were bright. "We haven't properly talked in a wh—"

"I've joined," Regulus blurted out, unable to hold it in. It was a graceless way to tell Sirius, but it had gotten the point across. Sirius stopped moving altogether. He was frozen mid-step, hair ruffled by the wind, posture tense, and face expressionless. That worried Regulus a bit. The Blank Face was a Black family default expression, one he had not seen on Sirius' features in a long time. "Sirius?" he ventured. He wasn't sure what kind of reaction he had expected from Sirius, but this was certainly not it. He had expected pacing, some kind of tantrum, maybe a shake of the shoulders—

Sirius blinked and suddenly his face was pulled into a grimace, as if Regulus' words had physically pained him. He dug his hands into his hair, pulling at it, and turned to face away from Regulus. "Jesus," Sirius swore, and Regulus' worry intensified. Sirius was not particularly religious, and generally only swore to Merlin. Regulus gulped.

Sirius was muttering to himself, and it looked to Regulus to be the perfect opportunity to run, but Sirius whipped around and locked him in place with a furious fire in his eyes. "What were you thinking, Regulus?" Sirius hissed. "What made you think that was a good idea?"

A rage built up in Regulus' chest. How dare Sirius? Sirius wasn't held up to the same expectations as he was. Sirius didn't have to be perfect. "You have no idea how hard it is," Regulus growled, but Sirius interrupted him, as per usual when they were arguing.

"I know _exactly_ how hard it is, Regulus!" Sirius roared, causing Regulus to take a step back. Sirius very rarely yelled at him; yes, they argued—constantly—but Sirius never yelled. "Or have you forgotten that I actually made it out of there?"

Silence hung between them as Regulus processed this information. It was true; Sirius _had_ gotten out. But at what price? He'd lost his family, his prestige, his inheritance, his security, everything the Blacks had to offer. Regulus wasn't sure he could do the same.

"This is the last time I'm going to say it, Reggie," Sirius said quietly, interrupting Regulus' train of thought. Sirius stepped a little closer, unconsciously reaching his hand out to his brother. "Please, let it go. Let them go. Come with me. We can be proper brothers—"

That struck a nerve with Regulus. "Proper brothers?" he parroted incredulously. "Proper brothers? Sirius, we would already be proper brothers if it weren't for you!"

It was Sirius' turn to step back, shocked. He recovered quickly, defending himself. "What I did, Regulus, I did—"

"Out of selfishness!" Regulus cut in, unwilling to let Sirius make excuses for what he'd done. "Don't you dare say you did it for anything or anyone other than yourself. You left me there, alone. How could I say no? How could I refuse to join? You did this to me!"

Sirius looked at Regulus like he was seeing him for the first time. He shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose hard. Regulus was still breathing heavily. Eventually Sirius murmured, "We can't keep doing this."

"No," Regulus agreed, voice tight. Sirius looked as miserable as he felt. In that moment, all Regulus wanted was for everything else to stop so that Sirius could just be his big brother again.

Sirius must have felt the same because he strode forward purposefully and wrapped his little brother up in his arms. Regulus clung to him like a drowning man. "Please be careful," Sirius whispered into Regulus' hair. Regulus only nodded into his brother's chest. "I love you, Reggie. You know that, don't you?"

Regulus wrapped his arms around Sirius tighter, well aware this was probably the last time he'd hear Sirius call him 'Reggie.' "Yeah," he breathed. "I love you, too."

The brothers remained where they were for a long time. Eventually Sirius pulled back, holding Regulus away at arm's length. He opened his mouth to say something but quickly closed it. Regulus understood, nodding. Sirius sighed. He squeezed Regulus' shoulders for a long moment before finally letting his brother go. He looked Regulus up and down one last time before turning and trudging back up to the castle, leaving Regulus behind.


End file.
